cakes?

so lately i've been noticing this trend with people it seems like i knew at one time or another.

we get older
we get married
they have kids
they take a cake baking course
they post pictures on facebook

so there aren't too many interesting things that come up in my day at work. i need things to keep me ammused. thus resulting in my more frequent facebook activity as well as writting blogs. i get excited when i see someone's posted some new pictures and then i see it. CAKES. i've had enough cakes thanks. where did this whole craze come from? cake decorating?

so here's my plan...

getting older - check
got married - check
have kids - eventually
take a cake baking / decorating course - NO

i don't know what i'll do one day when it comes to getting a hobby but it wont be this.
you bake it - i'll eat it. but i DONT want to look at your pictures!

not too much sense

if i remain positive this wont be so bad?

that question haunts me. if i stay positive it wont be so bad right? i'll look on the bright side of the situation, i'll find a silver lining in the cloud. i'll get more energy? i remember growing up my mom would always say these things to me about how you choose your attitude. you choose your health... if you tell yourself you have a headache you'll get one...if you decided to be upset because of a situation you will be in a bad mood....rather than taking the lying.....well you never know this whole thing could be great perspective.
is it better just to lie to yourself, say you'll get better, say you're in a good mood, say you like your job, you like the weather, you're happy with the way you look...does all this self talk help or distroy?

i think this can really only apply in vague situations. for example... if you've been somewhere before and it was terrible don't try and lie to yourself to get you through. or if someone's been a jerk to you before....hmm maybe it'll be different this time? no it wont and yes your time will suck.

i always wonder why i can't be one of those people who doesn't have a problem with anyone. it amazes me. if it's real i want to know how. but i think my cinicsm adds a nice balance. ok so i know this has now stopped making sense and i'm rambling on...don't worry it'll get better. haha probably not.

so this is the week of the big move. i hate packing my stuff up. i love that i get rid of a lot of stuff i don't need and isn't good for anything but i hate the work that's involved. having to strategize so things don't break is not my specialty. this is my first moved as a married person and now i have twice the amount of stuff and good old mom's not here anymore to pack it all up and make everything cleaner than it was in the beginning. i will get through.

i do love change. i love that my paintings will be in different spots. i love that it's a new slate. now only if i could get off my behind and pack.

"hello i'm calling from Canada"

"hello i'm calling from Canada" - her
"hi" - me
"i am calling from Canada" - her
"you are speaking to Canada" - me
"ok" - her
"i'll transfer you....." - her

so i realize that my last few blogs have all been commenting on work...
here's the thing. i sit in an office, process orders, talk to sales people on msn and the one person who is in my direct office will soon be leaving.
HUMAN CONNECTION. i crave human connection all day.
i never thought i would be in a cubical rather than surrounded by people
here i am and it's not so bad... but i miss human contact.
maybe it's the reason i'm now addicted to blogging and facebook. somehow through these means i feel closer to people while i'm here in my cubical.
say it with me...cubical, florescent lights, dual moniters 8-4:30.
it's good....sounds good hey?


i would have to say that now more than ever i don't need human contact but when i have it i enjoy it. i remember going through this phase when i wanted to hang out with one person or people all the time. it's like if i wasn't with someone at that point was i really being productive? was i still doing something if i was doing it on my own. being along and being able to do things by yourself is a nice skill to master. and it does take some master. i'm sure it comes easier for some than others but for me it took awhile. Now i'm pretty diliberate about who i want to hang out with, if i want to hang out with them and why. it's rather intentional than just being a way to not being alone. Over the last year the friend list has widdled down. it's smaller than ever and i love it. there have been new people added.
ok so i'm realizing at this point this may all seem pretentious and mean but here's the thing.... choose your friends. know why they're your friends, be picky, dont be random and you'll find that they're friends worth keeping.

so i raise my glass...hopefully full of yellow lable Wolfe Blass and say...here's to you friends....for you i really will do anything

if i have to e-mail you ONE more time....

there's that moment you come to when you serisouly feel beyond yourself. you're at what seems to be the end of your rope....nothing will help... communication is a bugger!
so this morning...life is alright. i've got a coffee in hand to try and assist me in what i thought would be a much easier monday to friday than it has been and i'm here. and it starts.
no you didn't
yes you did
you're wrong.
i'm right
i right.
not knowing...changing the idea, the SKU, the product.
20 something + back and forth no real communication e-mails later i'm still not sure if it got figured out.
today it was good i don't know him, i don't know his family, i don't know where he lives or really how to contact him besides e-mail because i'm new and i haven't figured it out that well yet.... what i do know is that if i saw him and there was a bus he could be under it.
the pacing frustration of over and over and over again having the same thing go wrong. now some wording that awhile ago or yesterday seemed innocent is now out for blood!
i fail...it happens. what can you do

today i'm going to get my hair done and this girls not allowed to fail...fail and it's her life pretty much. so we'll see how that goes.

helpers being not so much help

so how often do you need some help and you really can't get any?
i've been stranded too many times in Vancouver, stopped and asked for directions, headed off in the way they told me to go and what happend?! wrong way!
sure technology has advanced at a rapid rate and most people have GPS' on their phones but i'm not quite there yet. i still need the helper to get help
or doctors? the ones who should help haven't helped me in awhile. oh i'm there every few months. i put off all possible issues and reasons to see them until i and the loved ones around me can stand it no more and then what? dr. ....and rest. I'VE BEEN RESTING!.....drink fluids. I'VE BEEN DRINKING!. so you wait. there's not much help there. it pushes my buttons, test my patience. i get no answers. See if they would've just said wait it out.... anyways.

soo...if you're going to help someone...me. don't mock me, bait me, string me along.... tell me the straight story....... i don't know where you're going and you're just gonna have to wait.